Today, is my third day without slp.. I believed that i am stupid, i am foolish.. I wanted to stop, but its way beyond my control.. For 3 nitex, i kept myself busy with presentaion. When i am done, i could feel my heavy eyelids dropping down.. But when i finaly rested in my bed, it flashes in my mind again.. Screwed, and my eyes feeling warm again..

Today, i did my presentation, and my part was about jail. I even mentioned that jail, is a place where u have the most of the time in which u can think of ur past, ur wrong doings. It is also because of these thoughts which can amend a person.. I was thinking, it seems lik i am in jail too.. Everynight, staring at the ceiling, a reverie of flash backs keep appearing in my mind, again and again.. I wanted to fight bthem back, but to no avail.. In the end, tears jus welled out of my lifeless eye...

I reali reali reali miss u alot...

Jus now i received ur msg.. "there havent beean a day which i have forgotten about u".. Hahaz.. This sentence seems so sweet, but, upon placing this line in our situation, all i can say is ' Nice lo..'

I wanted to reply u, badly.. But, alot of questions keep popping out in my mind.. I typed a whole list of msg, but i saved it in my draft.. Cuz i am afraid to make u tears again.. I wanted to reply" Go slp bah.. Tmr still got school.." But i paused again, reason being, i dun wan u to think too much.. So in the end, i made up my mind, that is not to reply u..

I dunno how u will feel, but to me, i tink its the best, in case i accidentally say any single word that is too harsh to u, in case, i make u tears again...

Played pool yesterday and today... I lost to my classmate that i long wanted to beat.. Today, i lost every single match no matter how much i focus... I guessed, my smiles, my heart are the key to why i enjoyed playing pool.. Ever since i lost my true smile, my tender heart to u, i have lost even my most enjoyable game.. Best..... I guess, i should jus throw my cuestick, my gloves into my storeroom, never to touch them again...

I reali miss playing pool with my heart and smile equipped.. I have now changed... Change to a person who play to trash another person.. Play to get... I cant believe i actually typed all this.. U made me realised, How dumb of me to actuali gif my whole heart to someone...Once again, i shall spam this song" because of u" again and again. But nevertheless, i still do not regret... For God has his path for me.. And i believe this is just part of my lesson- though the cost of this lesson is very very high...

I miss u, and i tell u, i reali need u.. Nitex, sweet dreams and take care..=( Smile too.. As usual, i shall keep u in my prayer, for having great health, great frens around u and great smile that bring joys to everyone u met in ur life!

I do not noe how long i can grab a hold of myself, but i shall endure...

Slpless nitex once again... If onli this is all a dream....

Labels: I shall be strong